Jeni (spkn4_4ever) wrote,
Jeni
spkn4_4ever

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When I feel like nothing matters

At all points in my life, there is always a song that seems to suit what I am going through at any given time. Right now, the song that suits my mood is one called "Anyway" by Martina McBride. If you don't like country that's too bad. Please don't comment on your dislike country music on this post because it is irrelevant and has nothing to do with the post and I already know which of you don't like country, so I don't need to hear it again. The lyrics of the song that suits my mood at the moment are as follows:


You can spend your whole life building,

Something from nothing

One storm can come and blow it all away,

Build it anyway

You can chase a dream

That seems so out of reach

And you know it might not ever come your way

Dream it anyway


Chorus

God is great, but sometimes life ain’t good

And when I pray

It doesn’t always turn out like I think it should

But I do it anyway,

I do it anyway


This world’s gone crazy

And it’s hard to believe

That tomorrow will be better than today

Believe it anyway

You can love someone with all your heart,

For all the right reasons,

And in a moment they can choose to walk away

Love ‘em anyway


(Repeat Chorus)


God is great, but sometimes life ain’t good

And when I pray

It doesn’t always turn out like I think it should

But I do it anyway,

I do it anyway


You can pour your soul out singing

A song you believe in

That tomorrow they’ll forget you ever sang

Sing it anyway,

Yeah sing it anyway


I sing, I dream, I love

Anyway


Mostly, the reason why this song is so timely for me is because I actually tend to do the opposite. When I start to think things don't matter, or when I feel like I'm not getting anywhere, I actually just give up. I don't do it anyway. I just stop doing anything. I mostly just sleep and watch TV. Yes, I know, bad habit, blah blah blah. That's why I'm posting the song, as a reminder to myself to do 'it' even though it never seems to change anything. To pray even though my life continues to remain the same. To go to the gym even though it hurts. To keep writing even though I don't think it's any good. To clean even though nobody will see it if I don't. To talk to my friends even though all I think I want is to be alone. I'm trying to work on doing it anyway. On valuing my commitments to myself as much as I value my commitments to others. I would never treat another person the way that I treat myself. If I told someone else that I would meet them somewhere, I would be there, probably early. But if I tell myself that I'm going to do something, I usually just blow it off. This needs to stop. I need to keep my commitments to myself in the same way that I would keep my commitments to others. Only in this way can I keep my commitments to God.
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